Lost for Words

Vadgy woke suddenly as a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent into San Francisco, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.” She’d drifted off to sleep, midway through a Vogue article about Jackie Kennedy and her marriage to Onassis. How amusing Vadgy thought, that Jackie had now been married to two men who had both pursued her so aggressively in years gone by. Jack was certainly charismatic and had the reputation of being a tiger in the sack. She had to admit, she’d been tempted but ultimately, she demurred. He was a married man and the President at that. Whilst the Onassis money and the lifestyle that afforded certainly had its allure, Vadgy knew there was no way, no how, she could sleep with a man like Ari for those reasons alone. For Vadgy it had to be love and so far, no man had come close to what she felt for Kensington. The aircraft landed roughly and Vadgy was jolted back to reality. She gathered her belongings and made her way to the exit. “Thank you for choosing Delta Airlines Ms McVadge” the stewardess kindly said as Vadgy alighted. Vadgy was grateful to see her luggage appear quickly on the carousel. “One of the many benefits of travelling first class” she thought. As she reached down to grab the handle of her Louis Vuitton suitcase a hand stretched out and grasped the leather strap and lifted it away. She swung around quickly. “Hey! That’s my....”. She stopped in her tracks. “Hello Vadgy, long time no see”. Vadgy was shell shocked, frozen, and almost speechless. “Why..., Kensington, what are you doing here?”

The Return of the Vadge

She pressed her Louis Vitton suitcase shut, making sure her gold lame bikini was safely packed away. Vadgy took one last look around the villa that had been home for these past 3 months. It was lovely. She wished she could stay longer but she knew she was needed back at the station.

Coming to Mustique for an extended break was exactly what she had needed after that last case. Bianca had been right. She’d told Vadgy about the wonderful times that she and Mick had shared there and insisted she stay in their private villa for as long as she needed. She’d spent the last few months sleeping, eating, sun bathing and dancing the night away with a variety of gorgeous, eligible and wealthy men.

She had broken more than a few hearts during her holiday. It was one thing to dance and flirt but when it came down to it, Kensington was the only man for her. She wondered, would she ever see him again. Was he gone for good this time? And if he was gone for good, was she destined to be alone now? She shook her head as if to shake the very memory of Kensington away and continued collecting her belongings. The taxi would be here at any minute and she didn't want to leave anything behind.

As she gathered the last of her cosmetics from the vanity she looked up and caught a glimpse of herself. She looked tanned and relaxed. It was an entirely different woman in the mirror to the one who stood in the same spot only 12 weeks before. "That last case was almost the death of me" she thought.

Before she could allow herself to dwell any further, she heard the sound of the taxi's horn telling her it was time to return to her real life. She wasn't sure she was ready but she knew it was now or never. She grabbed her suitcase and her vanity case and closed the front door behind her.

"Airport thanks driver" she said haltingly. "Where are heading to M'am?" the driver asked politely. "San Francisco" she answered as the taxi pulled away.

Revenge of the Vadge

When Vadgy finally got back from the station it was late. Very late. The sight of Oliver and his accomplice Ross behind bars was deeply satisfying. They both looked so pathetic standing there in the holding cell. They were going away for a long time.

Now all Vadgy could think about was Titsy. It was too late now, but as soon as the sun came up she would go down to St Luke’s and give her the good news. Vadgy made herself a coffee, threw off the wig and collapsed onto the lounge. Lady ambled over to her and brushed up against her leg. “Hey we got the bad guys tonight, Lady. Aren’t you proud of me?” said Vadgy as she lifted Lady up into her lap.

Vadgy woke with a start. She had fallen asleep on the lounge, exhausted. It was 8am. She grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door. Her Pontiac was parked in front of her apartment. She jumped in and flew down Lombard Street towards St Luke’s. She knew it would take time for Titsy to recover from her traumatic experience but now that Oliver was behind bars, the healing could begin.

The enormous brick wall surrounding St Luke’s was imposing. It wasn’t a welcoming place. Even a visitor felt intimidated walking through the large, creaking wooden doors. A menacing looking nurse stood guard in the reception area. “May I help you?” she said as Vadgy approached. It was only then Vadgy realised she was still wearing her Ralph Lauren pantsuit not to mention the blue eyeshadow and false eyelashes. “Oh, yes, I’m Detective Vadgy McVadge and I’m here to see Tits Ahoy.” The nurse looked at Vadgy suspiciously. “No, seriously, sorry, I’ve been working undercover, here’s my badge” said Vadgy. She wasn’t used to explaining herself or being defensive but she realised how it must have looked. She caught the nurse as she rolled her eyes. “Ok, go through” and she buzzed Vadgy through the iron doors into the main ward.

Vadgy walked down the corridor. She tried not to make eye contact with any of the other patients. The smell of St Luke’s was a strange mix of disinfectant and human waste. It was the stuff of nightmares. An orderly shoved past her pushing a gurney. The patient looked white as a ghost and had electrodes attached to his head. Shock therapy was their specialty at St Luke’s. Titsy was scheduled for her first treatment next week but there was no way Vadgy was going to let that happen.

She found Titsy’s room at last. Vadgy tapped lightly on the door and slowly opened it. “Hey honey, it’s me”. Titsy turned and looked up at Vadgy with the look of frightened kitten. “It’s over Titsy. We got him.” And a small, forlorn smile crossed Titsy's face.

Hey Beautiful Lady

Vadgy strode into the White Swallow Cocktail Bar. Every eye followed her as she made her way to the bar. “I’ll have a Brandy Alexander, extra nutmeg thanks” she purred to the barman. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror behind the bar and smiled confidently. The long brunette wig was working for her. She had worn heavier eye make up than usual and it was striking. The blue eye shadow and the heavy kajal eyeliner gave her a slightly trampy look. She was sure a creep like Oliver would go for it.

She was only half way through her first drink when he walked in. She recognized him immediately from Emma’s description. He wore a beige leisure suit with flared trousers and snake skin boots. He had ‘sleaze’ written all over him. Of course, Vadgy was adept at spotting losers like this. She was way too street smart and savvy to fall for a guy like Oliver. Vadgy ate guys like this for breakfast.

But a naïve girl from the mid west like Titsy would fall hook line and sinker for a slime ball like Oliver. Titsy had learnt the hard way.

Oliver sat at the bar and cast his lizard-like eyes around the room, looking for his next victim. When he spotted Vadgy he could barely believe his eyes. Granted, she was more glamorous than his usual target but his ego told him he could pull a bird like this.

He swaggered over. “Hey, beautiful lady. Can I buy you a drink?” Vadgy struggled not to roll her eyes at his lame approach. “Oh, why thank you” she responded in a breathy, sexy voice.

“So, tell me, what’s gorgeous woman like you doing alone in a place like this?” he asked. Vadgy couldn’t believe that this sort of thing actually worked with women but clearly it did. Giggling shyly, Vadgy said “Oh I was supposed to be meeting a friend here but she obviously isn’t going to make it so I thought I would have one drink and then go home”. “Oh no, a beautiful lady like you shouldn’t be alone. You must stay and have a drink with me. Please.”

Vadgy knew she had him on the hook. She smiled to herself and thought “well of course I have him on the hook, I mean, hell, look at me!”

“So, my name is Cain. What’s yours?” he asked. “I’m Stephanie” Vadgy answered. “Well Stephanie, it’s very nice to meet you.”

“Another Brandy Alexander?” said Cain. “Thank you.” Said Vadgy. As the barman placed the creamy cocktail in front of her, Vadgy smiled. She knew she could handle it but she also knew she wanted to be on her game completely tonight. She would only sip this second cocktail.

They began to chat. Vadgy was amazed that a man of such limited intellect had been able to seduce and victimize so many women. She knew his type. He knew all the standard lines. The lines that men thought women wanted to hear about wanting a relationship but never being able to find the “right girl”. About enjoying long walks on the beach and candlelit dinner with a bottle of red. About lazy Sundays and weekends away. She had heard it all before but never as blatantly as tonight. “He’s a piece of work” thought Vadgy. She thought about poor Titsy and how guileless she was. Titsy would have taken Oliver on face value. She would have eaten this crap up with a spoon and then asked for more. When Oliver excused himself to go to the bathroom, no doubt to check his comb-over hadn’t shifted, Vadgy tipped her drink into the small bar sink in front of her.

“Finished already?” Oliver noted with obvious pleasure when he walked back to the bar. “Your fly is undone” said Vadgy. “Oh, sorry about that babe” Oliver said as he fumbled for the zip. Vadgy had caught a glimpse of Oliver and had to stifle a laugh. “If that was a preview of coming attractions then I think I’ll pass” she thought to herself.

“Another drink Stephanie?” Oliver asked hopefully. “Oh yes thanks, they are delicious, I just can’t seem to stop tonight” answered Vadgy in her best Marilyn Monroe voice. Oliver smirked as he ordered up another Brandy Alexander. “I’ve got this one in the bag” he thought.

Vadgy giggled innocently and excused herself. “Sorry, I need to powder my nose I think. I’m feeling a little drunk” she said as got up from the stool unsteadily. Oliver watched her as she walked to the ladies room. “This is going to be fun” he thought as he watched her sway, her gold jumpsuit shimmering in the dim light of the bar. He could hardly believe his luck. This was by far his best pull ever.

As she approached the ladies room door she stopped and took a sharp turn. She found a dark spot in the corridor where she could see Oliver as he waited for her to return. As she watched him she saw him reach into the back pocket of his leisure suit and pull out a small vial. He shook the vial and then slowly unscrewed the lid. Vadgy’s face darkened as she saw him pour the contents into what remained of her Brandy Alexander. “Oh my God, that’s how he does it. Rohypnol.”

She waited a few moments and then returned to the bar. “Sorry I took so long. I am really feeling a bit dizzy. I should go.” She told Oliver. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly let you go on your own” he said. “Let me help you get a cab. Finish your drink and then we can go”. “Oh really, you’re too kind! Perhaps you could tell the maître d we need a cab while I finish my cocktail and then we can go?” “Great idea, beautiful lady” said Oliver.

Vadgy handed the tainted cocktail to the barman. “See this drink? I want you to put it aside. Don’t tip it out. Keep it. My colleagues will be back later this evening” and she flashed her San Francisco Police Department badge.

She caught up with Oliver at the front door. “Finish your drink Stephanie?” “Yes, thank you Cain, it was delicious. I probably shouldn’t have but I just couldn’t say no” she said breathlessly.

“Here is our taxi” said Oliver as he took Vadgy hand and led her out into the night. He knew the Rohypnol would take 20 minutes to kick in. His apartment was five minutes from the White Swallow.

Vadgy staggered to the cab. Oliver opened the door and helped her into the back seat. “Are you feeling ok?” He asked, hoping she would be feeling unwell by now. “Oh I’m suddenly just so tired. I should just go straight home.” “I can’t leave you feeling unwell Stephanie, I wouldn’t hear of it” Oliver said feigning chivalry. “Ok” Vadgy said. She was going to go along with this whole sick trip and see where it led.

Oliver gave the cab driver his address. Vadgy made a mental note. As the cab pulled up in front of the apartment block Oliver quickly jumped out, paid the driver and helped Vadgy out onto the footpath. He didn’t want her collapsing her in the street. He needed to get her inside as quickly as he could. Vadgy played along. Stumbling and staggering into the lobby.

Oliver could barely get the key in the door he was so excited about this next victim. She was by far the most beautiful woman he had had ever managed to ensnare. “Stephanie, you don’t need to worry, I’m going to take good care of you” he said as he put his arm around her waist and helped her through his front door. Vadgy looked around the living room, making note of everything. It was the cliché bachelor pad. It smelled stale. It reeked of desperation.

“It’s me Ross” called Oliver as he closed the door behind him. “Who is Ross?” asked Vadgy. “Just a friend” said Oliver. “Ignore him, I try to.” Ross appeared from around the corner. Vadgy remembered Emma’s description of him. He was exactly as she had said. Short, ordinary, weak and deeply strange. “Hi” Ross said slobbering. Vadgy could see him looking her up and down. “Get lost now Ross” said Oliver. “Hehehe. Ok Cain” he said.

Ross knew that his turn would come later. It suited him for Cain to bring the women in. Ross had never been able to pull women. He had no conversational skills and was emotionally retarded. Once they found about his obsession with Hitler and the Nazi Party women would leave skid marks in efforts to get away from him. He knew he would spend his life alone but at least Oliver’s cast offs would give him some physical relief. He knew enough about Oliver’s lifestyle and pattern with women to have Oliver put away for a long time. Oliver could keep Ross quiet if he let him have his way with the women he was finished with.

Vadgy knew it was time. She staggered over to the dirty chocolate brown couch and collapsed. Oliver smirked. “She’s out. It’s time baby” he thought to himself. Vadgy closed her eyes and waited for him. Her Oroton purse was tucked snugly into the cushion.

Oliver leaned over her. His stale breath covered her as he bent down to kiss her on the mouth. One hand slithered through the lame onto her breast. He began to unbuckle his pants. He kicked off the snake skin boots to reveal the mismatched socks. She was beautiful. He knew tonight was going to be special. Suddenly Vadgy came to life. “Get your filthy paws off me you bastard. You’re under arrest.” Her Browning pistol glistened in the light of the lava lamp. Put your hands on your head you piece of shit”. Oliver did what she said, a look of pathetic fear on his face.

“Is it my turn yet Cain?” said a small, weak voice from the shadows. Vadgy turned to see Ross, naked and dismal standing in the doorway. “Get your hands up too you stupid little man” said Vadgy.

Undercover Vadgy

Vadgy stood in front of her perfectly organised open plan wardrobe. If she was going to do this properly she needed to look irresistible. Not that looking irresistible was hard for Vadgy. Even in her standard issue police uniform she looked effortlessly sexy and chic. Tonight though, she was the bait and she needed to look flawless.

She reached in and pulled out the Ralph Lauren gold lame halter neck jumpsuit. She smiled as thought about the last time she had worn it. It was New Year’s Eve, the night she had met Kensington. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her from the moment she walked into Sasha’s Nightclub. He finally built up the courage to ask her to dance and they spent most of the night on the dance floor. They drank Brandy Alexanders and laughed and talked as if they had known each other for ever.

Until she met Kensington, Vadgy had become used to being alone. Work had always come first. She had fought long and hard to get where she was personally and professionally and the thought of making herself vulnerable to man was repugnant to her. But Kensington was different. Vadgy couldn’t say no to Kensington.

Vadgy took a sudden breath and shook the thought of Kensington from her head. “I must focus” she thought. Right now all that really mattered was getting Oliver. Tonight she would go undercover, following in Emma’s footsteps, using what precious information Emma had been able to give her. With a long brunette wig and her Ralph Lauren jumpsuit, Vadgy would be the bait that would catch Oliver and finally avenge Titsy.

The jumpsuit fitted Vadgy’s hourglass figure perfectly. She bent down to fasten the gold 6 inch platforms. As she stood she reached for her Oroton purse. It contained her American Express card, her Coty lipstick and a small pearl handled Browning handgun. “Tonight’s the night Oliver” she thought to herself. She closed the door to her apartment and stepped out into the cool San Francisco evening.

Let's Get These Bastards

That was the last thing Emma remembered. When she woke the next day, her clothes torn, her cheek grazed and her eye swollen and beginning to turn black, she had no recollection of what had happened to her. The intense pain she felt coursing through her body told her perhaps it was better left that way. “Just move on” part of her thought. “It was a stupid mistake. I’m just going to pretend it never happened”

“Look, Detective McVadge” she began.

“Please call me Vadgy” was the reply.

“Look, um, Vadgy. I really don’t want to take this any further. It was my foolishness that got me into this. I’m not even sure what happened and I can’t tell you anymore than what I already have. I don’t want to press charges. I mean, who will take any notice of me anyway. I went back there. No one forced me” Emma said.

Vadgy’s face darkened “That’s exactly what they want you to do. They don’t want you to tell anyone. They WANT you to blame yourself. They WANT you to think it was something you did to bring this on yourself. It’s not your fault Emma.

Listen, I don’t want to upset you but you should know, they have found three different hair samples on your clothing Emma, yours and two others. I’ll guarantee you the other two belong to Cain Oliver and his nut job room mate. Now, you can walk away from here right now and pretend it didn’t happen. But let me ask you this. How are you going to feel when you hear that this has happened to another woman? What if I told you that this same thing happened to my partner? And do you know where she is right now? St Luke’s Mental Hospital! Yes, that’s right. It sent her stone crazy.

These guys are predators and so long as women keep blaming themselves and letting them get away with it, they will keep doing it. It’s up to you Emma.”

Emma took a deep, long breath. She thought about what might lay ahead if she did what Vadgy was asking her to do. She didn’t know if she had the strength to face it.

Vadgy reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled photo. “Here is my partner. Her name is Tits Ahoy. Even if you can’t do it for yourself Emma, I’m begging you, do it for Titsy.”




Emma looked at the photo. The woman in the photo looked so carefree and happy. “She doesn’t look like that now Emma. Oliver ruined her.” Said Vadgy. “You can make sure there are no more Titsys. Just say yes, Emma, just say yes”.

Emma sighed. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. “Ok, Vadgy, yes, I’ll do it”.

A determined smile quickly crossed Vadgy’s face. “Great, now let’s get these bastards.”

The Naked Nazi

By the time she had finished typing up the statement on her brand new Olivetti typewriter, Vadgy was incandescent with rage. Emma’s story was almost identical to Titsy’s.

Emma was a young, beautiful but somewhat naïve girl. She had met Oliver at a local bar. He sweet talked her. He bought her a Brandy Alexander. They talked about everything; his favourite film “The Way We Were”, his favourite album “Tapestry” by Carole King. He was every girl’s dream come true…or so it seemed.

In the dim light of the White Swallow Cocktail Bar, with Sly and the Family Stone playing in the background and the scent of Jovan Musk hanging heavily in the air any girl could get a little giddy. When Oliver asked Emma back to his bachelor pad she said 'no' at first.

“My last relationship started just like this. She came back to my place” he said. Oliver looked away wistfully. “But she’s gone now”. A tear rolled down his rugged cheek. Emma could not have known that “she” was Titsy.

“What happened to her?” Emma asked sympathetically. “I’d rather not talk about it” Oliver replied “It’s just too painful.”

“Well, maybe I could come back to your place for one drink” Emma offered, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with pity for him. And so they left the White Swallow.

As Oliver opened the door to his apartment Emma was struck by a strange stench. “What is that terrible smell?” she thought to herself. He closed the heavy door behind her.

“Who’s there?” a voice called from the den. “It’s just me Ross” Oliver replied. “My room mate” Oliver said. “Oh, for some reason I thought you lived alone” Emma said nervously. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. “Let me introduce you” Oliver suggested and they walked down the wood paneled corridor to the den.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. There he sat on the rug, in the centre of the room, naked. He was a small man, small in many ways. His salt and pepper hair was cut brutally short. His pince nez glasses were perched on the tip of his nose. The floor was filled with objects of every shape and size; strange badges, military wear, swords and guns. In his hand he held a brass eagle with a swastika emblazoned across it.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Ross said as he lifted his prized possession up for Emma to see. “Um, yes, it’s very nice” she replied. “Third Reich, highly collectable. Only a dozen of these in the world you know' said Ross lovingly.

Emma suddenly realised what she was looking at. “Yes, Ross collects Nazi shit” said Oliver. “It’s Third Reich Memorabilia, Cain!” Ross shot back. “Whatever,” said Cain, “it’s still shit”. “Well, it’s worth a lot of money and I like it” said Ross. “Well maybe you should sell a couple of pieces and buy yourself a pair of jocks dude” Oliver said laughingly.

Emma backed out of the den, suddenly wondering if she had made a huge mistake coming here. “That’s nothing” said Cain, “the bastard’s got a tattoo of a swastika on his backside!” “No! Really?” Emma said. “Why do you live with him? He seems a bit odd”. “Oh I met him through friends years ago, he’s completely alone, nowhere to go so I told him he could stay with me for a while”.

Emma was disturbed. “Look, I think I should leave” she said timidly. “Really, it’s been nice but I must go”. “You’re not going anywhere” Oliver replied, his voice suddenly dark and threatening. Emma knew in that instant that she was in trouble, deep trouble.